Today is my last day home. Tomorrow I am coming back to Riga to finish my Erasmus experience, but I am not happy. I want to stay here.
It’s so weird. I’ve always wanted to leave the “nest” and go away, but now that I am about to (again!), I just don’t want to. I want to stay.
I am so confused about it.
The first days back home were strange. I felt like a guest in my parents’ house. Everything I did was weird, and even weirder was the thought that those same actions were habits for me, just a few months back. Living alone for some time really changes your perspective on a lot of things.
A really simple example: preparing the table for dinner, or changing the bag of the rubbish bin. I knew exactly where to find the stuff I needed, and at the same time I was feeling like I was not in my house – like what I was doing was a favor, as I would feel at my aunt’s place or so. Like a guest, as I said before. It confuses me so much.
In my life plan, I’ll get my Master’s Degree abroad and find a job abroad and live a life abroad. But if after a few months I don’t want to leave home, how can I live a whole life somewhere else? Will I have the strength to do that? Do I actually want to do that? I can’t help but asking myself these questions. The worst thing is that I don’t know the answers.
Good thing I decided to come home for 10 days only. If I had stayed more, I would have never left again.
But now I am almost scared of how it’s going to be when the Erasmus will be finished. Going home for a long-term period. Again. I wonder if it’s going to make me want to leave again, or to stay forever. It scares me so much.
What do you think about leaving home? Have you already done that? Do you plan to do it? How are you dealing with this?
Feel free to comment.